Embrace Yourself

2013 has been a tumultuous year to say the least.

I could turn this into a reflective piece on the challenges and triumphs that have occured in the last 365 days or so, but I feel any Google search of 'year in review' could tell you pretty much all you need to know.
I could reflect on my own year through a series of anecdotes that only myself and a few others may under stand the references, I have a journal for that.

Instead, I'd like to share something I've been trying to learn this year, whether I knew it consciously or not: To embrace myself.

I can proudly say that I have accepted myself, albeit fairly recently as well, but that I have yet to truly come to terms with embracing myself. Of enjoying who I am as a human being in a world of other human beings - each with different pressures from the exterior and interior.

The problem, is that we are always changing. I'm not the same person I was yesterday, a week ago, 6 months ago, 2 years ago. When you learn something about yourself, its often your past self, as a reflection. You have moved on from being that person and look back with a detached perspective. It is much harder to look at yourself in the present and look objectively at who you are right now, in this very moment.

We are often easy to criticize ourselves. I don't exercise enough, I should eat better, I should sleep more, try harder, be more social, read more, watch less TV, get that tattoo I've been meaning to for years. And on and on it goes. We can promise ourselves the future: when I get my own place, then I'll get a dog; after school is done I will look for a relationship; once I have more money I will get that goddamn tattoo.

Around this time of year is when people start to panic about new year's resolutions. These things we've put off, these things we want to change about ourselves, NOW is the time to do it. The reset of a calendar means the reset of our lives.

But I say phooey to it all. I know any resolution I make won't last 3 months until that guilt and self-criticism returns. I know some can use that as motivation, and cheers to those of you that can do that, but my mind takes that feeling and makes it exponential with every passing day until I never want to leave my room again. Why should I make myself feel that way?

I have learned my limits, I have accepted them. And while I'm still not totally there yet, I'm learning to embrace them as part of who I am.

I am learning to embrace the fact that I am an anxiety-ridden goofball who loves nerdy shows and media, an open minded internet-loving person who legitimately enjoys learning, a queer introvert who sings passionately off-key and loves the idea of a tattoo but sometimes gets freaked out by the commitment.

I am learning to embrace this person, because she may not be the same tomorrow.

For all we know, she may go out and get a tattoo.

In the mean time, Happy New Year.

"Be yourself - not your idea of what you think somebody's else's idea of yourself should be" - Henry David Thoreau

Also take a look at BuzzFeeds "New Year's Resolutions that are actually realistic" for a good laugh and a few good pointers.